Template for Disaster

by the Haig

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 CAD  or more


  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    The Haig's debut release on compact disc. Hold it in your hands and rub it on your face!
    Featuring artwork by Randall Cummins.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Template for Disaster via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $8 CAD or more 




The Haig's debut EP. If you like what you hear, please spread it around like a bad cough.


released December 20, 2013

Chris Davidson, Dean Morris, Richard Michels, Treawna Harvey



all rights reserved


the Haig Ottawa, Ontario

“Was it Kierkegaard or Dick Van Patten who said ‘If you label me, you negate me?’ ”
– Wayne Campbell

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Track Name: Starfruit (Galore)
When the starfruit fall into my room,
when the starfruit drawn across the spoon,
well my room smells sweet until the morning come.

Well the words come out and they come back in,
and they fight like gravity.
And the starfruit's bound me to my chair

When the starfruit fall into my soup,
when the soup it drips down in my shoe,
well my leg go limp until the morning come.
Track Name: Camel Chase
She picked melons in the park
we couldn't savour any
He had informants on my home
we can't escape him anymore

She took a breath and then her seat, we couldn't save her

Run, man, run for your life
The sky is falling, and moisture coats the dust from my horse won't rise anymore
Run, man, run for your life
The bird calling, and royal cloth will drape the land and take us apart
Track Name: 534342
It’s a simple template for disaster.
It’s just a way to get there faster
You know she’ll never show a scratch
With all these secret buttons on the dash

I’ll take her through the hills ‘til she explodes
We’ll move through the city’s darkest roads
The gods of infiltration smile upon us
I’m not just here cause I am an Adonis

And now I slowly go about my sabotage
You have to know just how to play your cards

There’s no point or time to check the odds
Embraced inside but outwardly gone
There’s no question now what I’m to do
I’m loaded, silenced, made, it’s time to move

The certain death is somehow so familiar
The icy instincts of a practiced killer
My eyes glaze over, the floor just drops away
When I finally come to the mission’s made

And now I disappear and push it all away
My art will hide the darkness for another day
Track Name: Chinese Maria
Chinese Maria was a girl on my street
She wore these long stockings just above her feet
Dios mio, man, it seems like just the other day
Chinese Maria moved on down the way

Chinese Maria what do you see,
Looking through the windows in the gas factory?

Chinese Maria was a girl on my street
I guess you could say that she left her mark on me
Even though we never really met, I knew her deepest secret
Chinese Maria, well she wasn't really Chinese

Chinese Maria was a girl on my street
She was an artist and her medium was beef
One bite on her enchilada, no confusion why
Some fifteen hundred pound moo moo cow had to die
Track Name: Sex (With a Woman)
For attention, for a time
For intensity, for a new life

Sex. With a woman.

I once had sex. With a woman.
It was incredible. You should have been there.